Past Due

              It's OK to look back at the past, just don't stare.
                                                                  -Benjamin Dover


I've always been fascinated with the past.  From pointed questions about who my ancestors might be to regarding my history book as one of my most prized possessions, I enjoy looking and thinking about things that have happened...people who came before me.
By high school, all I ever aspired to was becoming a history teacher.  That almost happened.  The reality of public education tacked on English and Psychology to the 11 or 12 other history courses I taught in a 30 plus year career.
I read historical novels and easily as much or more non-fiction and autobiography/biography than other genres.  I am a student of the past and how it is written and recorded.
No apology needed, right?  Absolutely, but this trait has its limitations and problems.
Recently I've been fascinated by how this interest in the past has manifested itself in my life in various ways. Last month I saw an ad for a company that manufactures and sells vintage sports uniforms and shirts and caps with their logos.  So what's happening there?  I think it has to do with seeing and experiencing something that was previously thought to be gone...forever.  The realization that maybe something thought to be lost can reappear.  There is a warmth, a recognition of,  a celebration in wearing the jersey of a team that no longer exists.

 I wonder if this works the same way with people.  The old song "Have I stayed Too Long at the Fair?" raises this question.  In that tune, a woman wonders if perhaps she let the bright lights, attractions, and the attractive people get to her too much.  Then, when it's time to go home, she's left wanting more.  She's left alone with the wilting balloons and faded colors.
Relationships can be like that.  I certainly wish I'd left some alone.  But since we tend to remember the best parts rather than the tough times, there is often a temptation to mess with fate and try to repeat what can't be repeated.  Even just a friendly hello, what's new with you, how are things?  can be way too much and leave us wondering what were we thinking.