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If Only

 More proof that we don't know what many people carry within themselves surfaced when the popular TV and dance personality "Twitch" took his own life last week.  The popular DJ from the Ellen show seemed to have everything going for him, including a beautiful wife and three children.  

In a series of somber, if not rambling videos he posted on Instagram, Steven Boss, his real name seemed puzzled and mystified about everything from white supremacy to the state of current affairs.  Who isn't?  Well, I know the answer to that question. Nevertheless, his fans and friends were left asking themselves, Why didn't I see the depth of his despair?" What might I have done?  

I'm sure, most of us have a friend or two who took their own life much to our dismay and astonishment.  I know I do.  



A few years ago I heard from a former student of mine who was contemplating a trip to Portland and wanted to meet up for coffee and a catch-up on the last 10 years or so.  I often have done this.  It's always fun to see where these young adults are now in their lives, what their college experience turned out to be, and what their future holds.  
So, shortly before I was to meet with this person, I received an email that her trip to Portland was off.  No major emergency, just a full schedule that made traveling from the Bay Area to Oregon at this time impossible.  No problem, I thought.  Maybe next year.

When the next year came I was shocked to learn that in the interim, she had taken her own life.  Certainly, her friends and family were baffled.  Wasn't this the always-smiling, salsa-dancing, well-adjusted person that had everything going for her?  Apparently now.  It's a familiar tale, I'm afraid.  One that catches yourself asking, who knew?  Of course, I always wondered if she had made that trip to Portland, and we had a chance to catch up, maybe I'd have heard or noticed something?  

Probably not.  But I still wonder.  


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